I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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