I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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