we have pet lesbian snakes
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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