Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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