Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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