awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
