You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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