Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
