My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
