the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We need to rekindle our bromance
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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