don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
