My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
