drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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