I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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