We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
