its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
