Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She bit a glass in half.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
