Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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