And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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