I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
