Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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