this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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