This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
