if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
