I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
