I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize