Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
