What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
