i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
