I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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