I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
