I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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