My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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