Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We got so high we made milksteak
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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