That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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