Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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