he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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