i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
