hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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