No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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