John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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