do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When did angry sex become our thing?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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