NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
