1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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