I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
