i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
