He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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