Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
