He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Randomize
