OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I didn't shave. On purpose
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
