Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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