you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
