she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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