he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
