dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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