I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
