I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
