Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
