the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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