you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
