On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
