You can't motorboat a personality
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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