went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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