I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
