I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
