He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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