I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
