I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
