i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
