im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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