dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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