Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
