Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
