bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
