I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
