What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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