After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
