Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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