Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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