Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
