I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
