He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
