fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
