need another drink. this is the easiest way
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
