every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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