Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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