Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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