I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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