we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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